Crazy Special Love

I love movies about relationships, especially those realistic ones that cut right to the core. Some of my all time favorites are Before Sunrise/&Sunset, 500 Days of Summer, Like Crazy, and The Notebook.

Oh, I mean Blue Valentine, not The Notebook, but who's to say that the Notebook can't happen? To me and every other steadfast romantic out there? Why are we all resigned to the destinies portrayed in Blue Valentine?

Anyway, we saw Celeste and Jesse recently, and it was almost wonderful.

It's a story about two BFFLs (that's Best Friend For Life) who just can't make it work, even though they obviously love each other and have a crazy special connection. If you can't make it work with your BFFL, who can you make it work with?

Obviously, life and obstacles ensue, and things just don't work out as planned.

I might be really naive here, but do relationships have to be so fraught with complications? Can't they be simple, if we want them to be?

Aren't we all just looking for our BFFL?

Why do we let them go when we find them?

For Deba

My Best Friend's Dog

An Open Post to Cumulative Film Ratings (Rotten Tomatoes, I'm Looking at You)

This bunny is angry at you.

Dear Movie Critics,

I love movies. Can you guess why?

Fine, I will tell you.

Because for a few hours, I am completely transported to another world. I like this feeling.

You know what feeling I don't like?

Being fooled. Yes, you read that right.

FOOLED.
BY YOU.

Watching a movie is a time investment. There's nothing worse than paying 10 bucks to sit through two hours of complete shit. So, as a trusting movie goer, I obviously look to movie critics to decide whether or not a movie is worth seeing.

Let me present some statistics to you, and maybe you can explain yourself.

The Other Guys - 79% Fresh
Really? Really? Come on. The first half of the movie was mediocre at best, but the latter half. OMG. So bad it made my brain want to stab itself to make it all end.

McGruber - 47% Fresh
Even though this movie is considered "rotten", the fact that nearly 1 out of every 2 people who reviewed this movie gave it a thumbs up is really shocking. This movie is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. For real. It's up there next to Kung Fu: Fist of Fury; next to Birth; next to Where the Wild Things Are. I'll get to that in a second.

Where the Wild Things Are - 73% Fresh
Really. Seriously. Nearly 3 out of 4 critics liked this movie. Wow. Wow. WOW. I seriously hated this movie - like I seriously wanted to beat up the kid in the movie because I couldn't stand him. This is unusual because I rarely ever want to beat up kids. I usually just want to put them in a sound proof room with a giant lock. No physical contact required.

But this kid, he brought out the worst in me. I've never felt such resentment towards someone unrelated to me. Agh! I will never get these hours of my life back. I will remember this injustice forever.

Cyrus - 81% Fresh
Zzzz. If you liked sleeping, then you probably gave this movie a great review. Is that the reason why it is so fresh?

Greenberg - 74% Fresh
Zzzz. Another snooze fest.

Anyway, while you are explaining yourself, I would like a refund on my movie tickets please. And part of my life back.

Oh right, that's not going to happen.

THANKS A LOT!